Greeting Travellers, time has ground to a halt, all moments are now, come play at eternity in the blink of an eye.

In this week’s Ood Cast you’ll find 80s blue lightening, Time Lord chat up lines, a review of The Wedding of River Song, some exploding tonsils, Latin mispronunciations, atrocious Birmingham accents and a chronological retelling of the story of River Song set to music.

There’s also the usual Ood Cast News, mimes, flights of fancy and words of whimsy.

Look us in the eye and tell us you’re not excited.

Hi. How’re you doing today? Welcome to the Ood Cast Store.

Within these aging walls you’ll find whole worlds to explore. We stock everything any self-respecting Whovian may require. Why not take a look around?

Ground Floor: A review of Closing Time.

First Floor: Two goats & a penny.

Second Floor: Doctor Who Monsters vs Customer Services.

Third Floor: Perfume & Ladies’ Underwear.

Fourth Floor: Cyber Sex & the City.

Fifth Floor: The Power of LURVE.

WE’RE FREE!

Our collective new year’s resolution is to get back on the ball properly – as everyone seems to have noticed that life etc. got very much in the way towards the end of last year and we’re now several steps behind where we should (and would like) to be.

SO, here’s an update.

We have recorded the shows for Closing Time and The Wedding of River Song. These are currently at the stage of being edited, and will be released as soon as we can humanly (or Oodly, if you prefer) make it.

We will then, for it will be our 50th show (!) be releasing a “Best of…” podcast. So please do let us know what your favourite song or sketch is, and if you’re able to record a little audio introduction for it, please do – we’d love our listeners to be involved in this. You can leave a comment below or email your choices and any audio files to oodcast@me.com.

After that, our Christmas special review extravaganza WILL be ready to unleash. So we’ll do that.

We are still planning to release the Ood Cast Live as a podcast – although it’s more likely to be a studio-recorded version, as we had various technical issues with the original… Despite that, here’s a small extract to say sorry for all the delays.

During the scribbling process for the Ood Cast Live, I became rather stuck with a particular episode: The Doctor’s Wife (by Neil Gaiman). So in an effort to try to get round it, I wrote a poem. Which ended up in the final script as our version of the episode - and was read beautifully on the night by Laura.  Here it is:

The Doctor’s Wife

On one day only, although
I couldn’t tell its day from night,
my soul left you.
My life was stolen
like you had stolen me –
My love, my constant,
my thief.

When we reunited,
it was without sense
or grammar or control.
I knew I missed you,
but not how to tell you
we had always been together.

I started with goodbyes –
first meeting nerves I suppose,
but I could feel your thoughts
rushing like a thousand streams
crossing their currents,
my beautiful idiot.

On one day only, although
I couldn’t tell its day from night,
I met you, touched your face,
spoke your strange, strange words.
My big complicated sadness
did not last.

A thorough and enthusiastic review of The God Complex this week spirals off into a debate as to which holy figure would do most damage in a hotel environment. Not an essential underlying theme to the episode but an interesting diversion and the sort of thing we feel we do well at The Ood Cast.

When not debating the finer points of sacred vandalism or making oblique references to ill-fated Australian pop stars we also find time to cross-pollinate Doctor Who with classic British sitcoms, listen to At Home With The Minotaurs, spin a bit of Fat Boy Slim and squeeze in an inordinate amount of mooing.

Mooooooooooooo!

(There we go again)

In this week’s Ood Cast we review an episode where Amy waits over 3 decades for something interesting to happen. Regular listeners can probably relate…

But good things come to those that … well, you know … so join us as we split the episode into two time streams, attend a dinner party hosted by fictional robots, give head rubs, talk earnestly about the meaning of things, get new equipment and discover who Gregory McCaramel is.

News, reviews and haikus to chase away post-Doctor Who blues.

It’s a kindness.

Rose
Cockney shop girl runs,
northern Time Lord stops dummies.
Opposites destroy.

The End of the World
Flat-pack sabotage
is surgery fundraiser.
Earth’s demise is missed.

The Unquiet Dead
Gas-powered welsh ghosts
pester a famous author.
Torchwood’s seeded here.

The Aliens of London
Flying pig rings bells
as leaders unzip their plans.
Shocking cliffhanger.

World War Three
Slitheen are pickled
as PM’s pad is destroyed.
Fire sale ads cancelled.

Dalek
Underground remains
revive to touch and evolves.
Hates self and destructs.

The Long Game
A real TV hell
run by an angry ceiling.
Heated floors a lapse.

Father’s Day
Wedding day ruined
by a selfish paradox.
He dies in their arms.

The Empty Child
Police call box called,
masks added to human form.
They’ve lost their mummies.

The Doctor Dances
Brash conman rumbled,
embrace removes signs of plague.
Everybody lives!

Boom Town
Slitheen becomes mayor,
then flouts a few planning laws.
Surf trip goes awry.

Bad Wolf
Humans unseeing,
robot game shows masking threat.
Daleks make their move.

The Parting of the Ways
Mad on human genes,
old foes fall foul of cockney.
A kiss seals their fate.

Regeneration (IX)
Energy blazes,
new teeth populate his grin.
Bed rest is needed.

With gateaux, mockney and added Americans, the whole Ood Cast are finally back in the room together as they gently fillet and fry (with a wooden pan) Mark Gatiss’ latest episode, Night Terrors.

Enjoy a trip to a UK retail favourite, poke fun at small children, analyse the London Riots in the context of time-travel and hear us accuse politicians of being a bit rubbish.

We wouldn’t want to be in Westminster right now. We bet they’re quaking in their boots.

If all that sounds a bit full-on then fear not, we also talk a lot about Doctor Who, between songs of revolution and early 90s bubblegum techno-pop.

Something’s in the wardrobe – and it’s not Mr Tumnus.

The Eighth Doctor
From shoeless John Doe
to half-human glass-dodger
in just ninety mins.

The TV Movie
Master wants his lives,
threatens earth’s destruction but
looks into his eye.

Regeneration (VIII)
Another gun shot?
Perhaps Time War exhaustion?
Who knows… but, he’s gone…

Nine Empty Years
He has to come back –
nothing quite fills the gap left.
Blue lights keep shining.

Ghost Light
Past haunts the present.
Aliens plan Queen Vic’s death,
but evolve too soon.

The Curse of Fenric
Wartime inside job
spoilt by sea monster’s attack.
Ace’s future found.

Survival
Cats have a planet!
Master’s escape plan falls flat:
Doctor turns down fight.

The Happiness Patrol
Joyfulness enforced,
sticky end awaits the caught.
Doctor sings the blues.

Silver Nemesis
Unlikely foes brawl
with living statue the prize.
No one quite knows why.

The Greatest Show In The Galaxy
Psychic circus nicked
to keep fun-starved gods happy.
Hippies get it back.