News
Ikea have just announced their latest bedroom collection. The ‘End of Time’ range includes a wardrobica, chest of drawsica and a blanket boxica. There’s also a special offer on their ‘crack in the space time continuum’, available in a 4 colours, midnight, coal, ebony and absence of light.
Spoiler Alert: Further investigation of Amy Pond’s bedroom leads us to believe that the concluding episode of Dr Who will contain 3 giant porridge-seeking bears.
New from Rimmel, hallucinogenic lipstick, now he really will think you’re his queen (warning, may cause people to believe you are a dead Egyptian).

Mr Moffat explains the climax of episode 12
MOFFAT: So, the Dr’s in locked in the Pandorica, Amy’s just been shot by Roman Auton Rory and the Universe is exploding.
PETER: Wow, that’s what you call a cliff-hanger. A real Saturday morning cinema adventure. I can’t wait to find out how it all ends next week.
MOFFAT: Next week?
PETER: Episode 13, the season finale.
MOFFAT: No, that’s it, last one.
PETER: Sorry?
MOFFAT: Well, I was talking to Russell and he said it’s always much more satisfying for the viewers if you bump off a few of the main characters, you know, stops them getting complacent.
PETER: So you thought you’d imprison the Doctor and kill off Amy?
MOFFAT: Oh no.
PETER: Phew, you had me going there for a minute.
MOFFAT: I thought I’d kill off everyone, you can’t get much more dramatic than that.
PETER: But, but what about the final episode?
MOFFAT: Well, no time or space, no audience. So, no need for a final episode. Anyway, I’m popping off to the Dordogne for a couple of weeks. Oh, hang on, France probably doesn’t exist anymore. Come to think of it, we probably don’t…..

Real Estate
AGENT: So Mr & Mrs Armitage, you’ve seen a number properties, what did you think of the last one…. erm, number 1 Underhenge?
HELEN: Well, it was, a bit small.
AGENT: Compact and bijou.
LUKE: Compact? There was only one room.
HELEN: With just one chair, and that didn’t look very comfortable.
LUKE: Yes, I thought the restraining straps looked a bit much.
AGENT: Well, I’ll grant it’s a little unusual, but you’re forgetting the security features.
HELEN: Security features?
AGENT: Oh yes, dead locks, time stops, matalans.
LUKE: What’s a Matalan?
AGENT: Then there’s the large oak doors. Very impressive, I’m sure you’ll agree.
HELEN: Hmm, it’s a bit dingy though.
AGENT: Ah, you mean the rustic look. Well, it is under Stonehenge, you know, monument of international significance, world heritage site, one of the 7 wonders of the world.
HELEN: I’m not sure. Luke?
LUKE: Yeah, no, you’re right. Could we check out the Byzantium again? That was definitely a bit more roomy.